Monday, 24 February 2020

Welcome to the 5-Star Hotel Hospital Vinalopo

Welcome to the 5 Star Hotel Hospital Vinalopo! Cometh the age, cometh the man. I was carted off to this delightful hostelry by my lady doctor(a), using as an excuse my urinary infection, which was giving me exquisite pain. What she really wanted was to get me treated for an age-long micro-bacterial infection that could not be treated alongside my intake of Sintrom. The latter kept being treated as a priority whilst I suffered from a constant flow of saliva in my throat over the years.
     I got into this luxury hotel via the backdoor, literally. I was plonked in the annexe and given the undivided attention, along with 8 other fortunates sharing the same ward, whilst my needs were cared for by the most divine bevy of nubile nurses I've ever clapped eyes on. Urgencia it was called.
     After three days and two nights of eating the most tasteful looking food (which was devoid of salt until my wife smuggled in a small supply), I committed the sin of standing up at the heart monitor, which I'd turned off, to see my face better as I shaved, exposing my buttocks to a group of older women, much to their merriment. How was I know it was visiting time? I'd had a pee too into a cardboard bottle, without turning around, thinking my curtain was closed, unaware of the nurse who'd opened it.
     Finally, I was discharged by another doctora who wished to remain anonymous (no identity badge on her breast pocket) and driven home by my yerno (look it up, lazybones!)
     Thereafter, I was visited daily by a male nurse for a period lasting 12 days, to be give an intravenous drip of a strong antibiotic to kill the fungus in my throat, plus a big pill of similar antibiotic, taken each morning and night. I'll be told soon, after giving yet more blood, if this hellish treatment has succeeded. They don't do things by half, these modern Spanish inquisitors!
      The event which sticks most in my memory is the husky goodbye given to me by an older Spanish lady as I passed her bed, fully dressed. I wonder now if she too had seen me passing in my green, bare-backed flimsy gown on the way to the loo and shower room.
     Boy oh boy, you wouldn't believe the clever antics used in this annexe to the main 5-Star hotel hospital, in order for the nursing staff to maintain their vigilance all through the night. I enjoyed hearing them sing along to a song from Grease, in good English.


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